"Oh my god! Do you realize how loud you are? People can hear you!"
And I wonder-- isn't that entire point of talking? That people can hear you? The whole problem with Rebecca's talking is that I can never hear a word she's saying.
Rebecca is always nervous that people can hear her-- she is always wary of people eavesdropping on her conversation, but she talks quitely even when it's something that's perfectly acceptable for everyone else to know. Lately, our conversations seem to go something like this:
Rebecca: "mumble mumble mumble. mumble mumble."
Me: "WHAT? ARIANNA'S A BACKSTABBING DOUCHEBAG?"
Rebecca: *looks around, nervous* "I said 'THE CAFETERIA'S CLOSING EARLY."
But lately it's gotten worse. Our talks (and the word 'talk' is used very loosely here) have been more along the lines of:
Rebecca: "mumble mumble mumble"
Me: "I'm sorry Bec, I really couldn't hear you."
Rebecca: *leaning closer* "mumble mumble *lips moving*"
Me: *sheepish look* "I'm sorry--my hearing is really bad. Maybe you should just write it out for me."
Rebecca: *looks disgruntled, leans in far enough that it looks like she's sucking something out of my ear* "Mumble mumble MUMBLE."
Except mumbling would be generous here-- I don't think she's making any sound at all. Her lips just open and close really quickly and eventually it becomes so bothersome that I just pretend I heard her.
Rebecca: "Mumble mumble mumble"
Me: "Oh wow, really?" *smiles* *Nods head* "Wow."
And no sooner do I give up on ever hearing her, smiling with my best, "That's a good one!" face, wholeheartedly agreeing with whatever it was she said, leaving to find someone whose voice is louder than an muted orchestra of mousefarts, than she responds with,
"So? Do you agree or not?"