The Ugly Volvo (theuglyvolvo) wrote,
The Ugly Volvo
theuglyvolvo

Gift Exchange

So we exchanged gifts yesterday in the office.

My friend Melissa's secret "snowman" was Ira, a 52 year old guy who everyone loves, who has a great sense of humor, and who, we have now learned, cannot pick out gifts to save his life.

Ira had recently traveled to a meeting in France where, apparently, he be came enthralled with a piece of winter headwear which he purchased as gifts for his family. I don't know how to describe it really-- it's like those bank robber masks with room cut out for the eyes, but there's also a scarf part that drapes around the head. There is no way to make this garment look flattering-- if they're lucky, the wearer looks like they're under the rule of the Polar-Fleece Taliban. If they're not lucky it appears to be some sort of Eskimo bondage technique. I would pay money to see the faces of his wife and daughters when they open their presents this year.

Luckily there was a woman on the trip who convinced Ira not to give Melissa the same headpiece and cleverly suggested that he get her something unique and French.

His gift to Melissa?
-Two mini-bottles of wine. I'd hope they're good, but they've got screw caps, so we'll see.

-One loaf of bread, exposed to air for three full days, which could be used to bludgeon a man to death.

-One wheel of French cheese which had not been refrigerated for the same amount of time that the bread had been exposed to air. This explained why the gift room smelled overwhelmingly of what we mistakenly took to be horrendous body-odor.

Would've been nice to have had something to mask the smell. Maybe something you could wrap your entire face in, possibly in fleece...
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