July 27th, 2006


What you're saving on fabric, you're spending on advertising

Dear Victoria's Secret,

Thank GOD your most recent catalog arrived yesterday in the mail! I had finished reading Monday's catalog and spent all Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon pacing my bedroom, wondering if you had updated the styles on any of your bra and panty sets. Am I expected to check the website every 7 minutes? I expect a catalog sent to me to inform me of upgrades and changes and I expect one to be arriving every other day, as they have been doing for the past year, ever since my roommate ordered that cookie monster-blue sweater from you on a whim. If the entire Brazilian rainforest is not destroyed by the year 2020 due to your overzealous sales reps, I will be sorely disappointed and deeply hurt.

Please, I beg of you, send me more and more catalogs. The one I got last Friday was interesting, but it was far too short...over before I had even begun. As was the one I received last Wednesday. If the delivery will be this sporadic, why not take care to make sure the publications are longer and can keep us occupied for 2, 3, 4 days at a time. Perhaps some poetry or short stories about corsetry and two-piece bathing suits. Perhaps a Dickens-esqe catalog that keeps us mildly entertained for hours, getting really interesting in the last 50 pages.

I should mention, perhaps, that I live in a town where all books have been banned, magazines are in short supply, and the road signs are brief and infrequent. What am I to read if not blessed with the tri-weekly delivery of your publication, feeding a mind hungry for information on push-up and balconnet bras? I lie passivly on my couch as the thoughts race-- when will the cotton underwires be available in racerback? Do you have a strapless push-up that doesn't leave red welts at the end of the day? What panty-cut is ideal for my body type?

I look forward to today's catalog, which will hopefully be waiting for me when I get home this evening. Please continue with your much appreciated frequent deliveries, as your catalog is a bright, scantily-clad sun in the all-pervading blackness of my existence.


Girl who, in 2 years, will be building her dream home out of condensed Victoria's Secret Catalogs