March 10th, 2006

Nostril

Hey, My Life is Boring!

So I've been trying every combination on my phone in an attempt to figure out how to send a text message smiley face. I haven't figured it out. I did find some canned messages however, for people who are just too lazy to type out things like, "Yes," or "No," or "Call me."

You can send one that says, "Busy."
And you must be, if you're too swamped to type in a 4 letter text. You can send a pre-typed "Thank you" or "Love You," or "On my way." My least favorite is, "I mis u n luv u." If you're sending a pre-written message to save time, why not spell out the whole thing? "I miss you and love you, but also love doing imitations of 17 year-olds on AOL instant messenger."

And who are these horribly generic people who are constantly texting things like, "Yes, no, call me, busy, mis u n luv u." I wish there were a way to break into people's phones to change their 12 canned messages based on messages they've sent out in the past. Things like:
1.) Not another abortion!
2.) Has it moved its bowels yet?
3.) Somebody's poisoned the water hole! (or, alternately, "There's a snake in my boots!)
4.) Do we have anything to fear besides fear itself?
5.) I don't care how hungry you are-- he loves that cat.
6.) What kind of bridge to the 21st century are you building?
7.) You can add that to the list of things you're going to hell for.
8.) Yergen Schmirgin Jergin Yergin (For swedish culinary artists only)
9.) You had vomit on your face when you left this morning.
10.)You're still ugly.
11.)Let's meet at my place and watch "Out of Africa" again.
12.)Mom's dead.

I don't know what I planned on calling it. Maybe "Exciting Phone: the phone for people who live in a constant state of uncertainty!"

I'll send the idea to Verizon-- maybe as a promotion for "Exciting Phone" they can take all their fake cell phone tower trees and put fake snipers in them. Anything to make life a little more interesting.



(My next technological feat will be to invent a spell check that accepts "Yergen Schmirgin Jergin Yergin" as acceptable English words.)