December 7th, 2005



It's been a while since I've disappointed a huge group of professional adults so I figured it was about time I went to a dinner with my father. My dad sent me a copy of the invitation a few days ago:

Date: 11/30/05
To: Raquel D'Apice
From: Her Proud Father

It's the Inns of Court dinner which translates loosely to "a bunch of lawyers," and in case the Fax cover sheet or my thirty other journal entries about him didn't make it clear, my father is exuberant about his family and builds us up to a level that no one could possibly meet. My extremely shy mother refused to go this year after last year being assaulted by people going, "So you're the skydiver! So you're the woman Ross has been talking about! So you're the love of his life!" And while my mom is a wonderful, loving, beautiful person, she's not the supermodel stuntwoman daredevil that people are expecting. She's a normal, sometimes brave, sometimes witty 58 year-old woman who my father loves very much.

I don't think the fault lies with my dad because he's not exaggerating with the hope of embarrassing anyone. He isn't lying to make us sound better than we are. He actually sees us like this. But it would be nice if some male lawyer at last year's dinner had met my mother and, instead of thinking that she wasn't as outrageously wonderful as my father had promised, realized how great his own 60 year-old wife was and began bragging about her.

And maybe that lawyer will be doing that this year. But I'm preparing myself for the onslaught of "We've heard so much about you."s and "When will we see you on Comedy Central?"s and "So I hear you're a writer."s, countering them with, "I'm also a secretary during the day and I never had good grades and I never went to graduate school, and I might never be on Comedy Central and I'm a writer who may never publish anything. But none of those things would ever make my father think less of me or stop bragging about me, which, in turn, is why I brag so much about him."