January 27th, 2004

Volvo

Vag-i-doc

So I had an OB-GYN appointment last week and in the fine tradition of OB-GYN appointments being awful beyond belief...it was awful beyond belief.

One thing, which has always bothered me and which I don't particularly understand, is that the only magazines in the waiting room are those dealing with getting pregnant or raising children. And there are plenty of people who visit gynecologists who do not want to read Parents, or Parenting or Healthy Child, or any magazine with a picture of a two year-old in a hoodie next to the words, "The Country's 200 best Nursery Schools." There are plenty of us there who would be thrilled with absolutely anything else available, including, perhaps, a magazine called, This Place Sucks, Doesn't It?

Another thing I find somewhat creepy are the doctors themselves. My neighbor, with whom my family is close friends, works there as a nurse practitioner and it was through her, apparently, that my gynecologist found out everything I had been doing with my life over the past three years. "So you graduated from Emerson? Right? How'd you like that? Fun? I miss college. And your internship in LA-- that's so exciting! My sister-in-law lives in LA. I like San Francisco myself...we try to get over there every couple of years. The weather is ideal, but I never seem to stay for long enough...so how's your mom doing?"
So if you think those sorts of conversations are awkward and annoying with your relatives at family gatherings, try having one while the person to whom you are speaking is poking your ovaries with her hand and sticking various metal instruments in your vagina, going, "So have you been "seeing" anyone? Is he cute? Does he have any brothers or cousins or STD's?"

I had a different doctor this time, and this woman was...if it can be believed...even weirder than the first one. She looked very normal and well put together. I didn't notice anything unusual until she talked.

*Doctor walks in.*
*Raquel sits on table wearing what appears to be an enormous paper napkin*

Me - Good morning.
Gyno - Good morning to you, friend.

*Raquel pauses*

I'm sorry.
Friend? I'm sorry, comrade, but is this considered an acceptable title with which to address your patients? Could you possibly be any more thoroughly creepy?

Gyno - Are you doing all right up there, friend? This is going to be a little cold.
Me - Oh certainly, doctor. I'm double plus good up here but thank you so much for your concern over my well-being.
I can't help but think, however, that our "friendship" might be a bit more traditional if
a.) You would stop talking as though you're posessed, and
b.) I could get out of this stupid chair.
Volvo

(no subject)

When I was driving once, I saw this written on a bridge:
"I don't want the world...I just want your hat."




Although he has (as of yet) written nothing and has listed only one interest, at some point in the future, feel free to check out allotheria.
(In the grand tradition of meeting people in real life and then attempting to drag them into a livejournal account so that my interactions with them don't force me to abandon my beloved internet addiction...)

allotheria is an excellent source of:

1.) Useless B-movie Trivia
2.) Useless Science Fiction Trivia
3.) Useless Historical Trivia
4.) Useless Psychology-related Trivia
5.) Numerous Additional forms of Useless Trivia
6.) Incessant They Might Be Giants Quotes
7.) Calcium
8.) Bill Lumberg Imitations at Inappropriate Times
Volvo

(no subject)

Lady on Phone- "Hi, you just called us. This is Estelle from Doctor William Kada's office."

Me- *frantically tries to remember calling a Dr. Kada and is unsuccessful*
"I'm sorry Ma'am. I'm going through my notes, but would you just spell the last name for me-- I have a lot of doctors here."

*uncomfortable pause*

Lady on Phone- "Kada...C-A-R-T-E-R."

Me- "Hits own head in embarassment*




You'd think...you'd THINK that 4 years living in Boston would've acclimated me to this.
And, for the record, what she actually said was:
"Kada...See-Ay-Ah-Tee-Ee-Ah."

How I miss my beloved Massholes ;o(