January 21st, 2004

Volvo

An Actual Letter and its Actual Response

My Letter.(Things have been bolded for emphasis)

Dear McSweeney's:

I've written a few times now to ask if I could please have issue 11 sent to me. I signed up around May of last year, received issue ten, and just a few weeks ago received and am enjoying issue 12. I have still not received issue eleven. I would really really really like to receive it.
I have gotten responses to my letters and everyone has been very polite and friendly and understanding but no one has sent me issue eleven. I enjoy your publication and am sorry to be a bother by continually writing letters of complaint but if someone could send me issue eleven I would really really appreciate it.
If there is any information needed from me, please let me know.

Yours truly,

Raquel D'Apice

*******************************************************************

Their Response.


Raquel,

I believe I have sent the warehouse an order for your issue 12. I’ll look through my file and get them to send it out. I’m sorry this is taking so long.

H_____
McSwys

***************************************************************************

HELLO?
Volvo

(no subject)

I was so proud of myself yesterday-- I got so much done that by the time I went home, the only thing in my inbox was a banana.

Today there's so much more to do and I've spent so much time on the phone today that my ear is starting to sweat and I'll probably have to stay LATE, so that by the end of the day my ear will slide right off my head.

Also, I've had to call NIMH about a hundred thousand times and each time I want to whisper, "I know your secret..." and make mouse noises. Because I'm sure people don't make that joke every fifteen seconds...the receptionist must really LOVE it.
Poor NIMH people. They should form a support group and join forces with the people who work for Victoria.





"We have no bananas, we have no bananas, we have no bana--oh, hold up. Cancel that. I stand corrected. We've actually do have one."