January 6th, 2004

Volvo

Come again?

My friend Rebecca and I are communicating less and less and this worries me. She and I have known each other since about 3rd grade, work together, and are currently looking for an apartment together, so you'd think the lines of communication would be stellar but you'd be completely wrong. And it's not that we don't understand each other or that we've been avoiding each other-- that's not it at all. The entire problem lies in the fact that Rebecca whispers everything (she is paranoid that people in the office are listening in) and I can't hear her. I myself speak rather loud, she informs me, although I am never aware of this when it is happening. I realize it only when Rebecca's eyes get really wide and she says things like,
"Oh my god! Do you realize how loud you are? People can hear you!"

And I wonder-- isn't that entire point of talking? That people can hear you? The whole problem with Rebecca's talking is that I can never hear a word she's saying.
Rebecca is always nervous that people can hear her-- she is always wary of people eavesdropping on her conversation, but she talks quitely even when it's something that's perfectly acceptable for everyone else to know. Lately, our conversations seem to go something like this:

Rebecca: "mumble mumble mumble. mumble mumble."
Me: "WHAT? ARIANNA'S A BACKSTABBING DOUCHEBAG?"
Rebecca: *looks around, nervous* "I said 'THE CAFETERIA'S CLOSING EARLY."

But lately it's gotten worse. Our talks (and the word 'talk' is used very loosely here) have been more along the lines of:

Rebecca: "mumble mumble mumble"
Me: "I'm sorry Bec, I really couldn't hear you."
Rebecca: *leaning closer* "mumble mumble *lips moving*"
Me: *sheepish look* "I'm sorry--my hearing is really bad. Maybe you should just write it out for me."
Rebecca: *looks disgruntled, leans in far enough that it looks like she's sucking something out of my ear* "Mumble mumble MUMBLE."

Except mumbling would be generous here-- I don't think she's making any sound at all. Her lips just open and close really quickly and eventually it becomes so bothersome that I just pretend I heard her.

Rebecca: "Mumble mumble mumble"
Me: "Oh wow, really?" *smiles* *Nods head* "Wow."

And no sooner do I give up on ever hearing her, smiling with my best, "That's a good one!" face, wholeheartedly agreeing with whatever it was she said, leaving to find someone whose voice is louder than an muted orchestra of mousefarts, than she responds with,
"So? Do you agree or not?"