And I forgot my family's brilliant, completely awesome move that we didn't realize until we were halfway into the city for the concert...
My friend (our houseguest) had been in Boston the day previous and would be arriving home that night while we were all away.
That was fine. She had her own key. She knew we weren't going to be there.
She did not, however, think that anyone would be there at all, so imagine her surprise when she trotted downstairs to watch TV and discovered that some strange boy that she had neither met nor heard of was lying downstairs on our couch, watching a movie.
This was, of course, "Doug," who was equally confused, since no one in the family had warned him that we had a houseguest who would be showing up sometime that night and the two of them wound up just staring at each other for a minute, trying to figure out if the other person was
a.) supposed to be there and/or
and they eventually both came to the tri-fold conclusion that the other person posed no threat to their immediate safety, our family is incredibly bad when it comes to notifying people about things, and that they should watch Fight Club together.
Have you ever seen one of those big camper trailer vehicles that's driving and pulling a sedan behind it? And if you have, was your first thought that the car being pulled was taking tailgating to a whole new level?
Well it was my first thought. My jaw was hanging open watching the whole thing, going, "Holy shit! Look at that guy go!"
I felt, needless to say, brilliant, when I realized what I was actually seeing.
Also...my fabulous 100 dollar an hour sessions have been canceled due to poor attendance. That leaves me with no teleconferences...no envelopes to stuff to tell people about the teleconferences...no phone calls to make to remind people of the teleconferences...no massive amonunts of e-mails to send out to advertise the teleconferences..."Key Challenge TeleWeb Conferences-- REGISTER NOW! EARN CME CREDITS!"...
Me thinks, my friends, that I will not have a job tomorrow...
So I've decided to get some use out of my Josuha Tree icon, which will probably last all of three hours and will make no sense to anyone who reads this journal at any point in the future, and by the future I mean seven, seven-thirty this evening, by which point I will have most likely changed my icon back to something that less resembles a moldy, radioactive Q-tip.
So now that my job may or may not end at any time, I was all psyched to come home and start looking for a new job but I just went and did that deathday thing and it turns out that, go figure...I'm going to die on Tuesday, March 3, 2009 by (of all things!) stabbing, so now I'm wondering if I'd really rather just hang out in my parents' house till that happens and maybe not even have a job, or maybe have a job but only part time, and spend the rest of the time at the beach or volunteering at the local animal hospital or taking up raquetball or something.
I have a feeling if I tell my parents I'm living with them until 2009 I will most certainly die of stabbing, most likely by the hand of my mother who was about to stab me last night for not unloading the dishwasher and is looking for pretty much any reason to remove one or more of my vital organs under the guise of temporary insanity.
And while I couldn't help but notice that the death day predictor had the word 'silly' in the URL, there's still a pretty good chance it could be accurate so I might as well ask my mom if I can have the biggest bedroom.
Actually, a better idea than living with my parents until I die would be...anything.
Actually, a better idea than living with my parents until I die would be to change my LJ name to something that will allow me to die at a deferred date. I'd toy around with names for a while but honestly, I'm sort of attached to this name and I think I'd rather die young that waste time trying to think of something original that hasn't been taken, eventually winding up, most likely, with something like BluEyez1980 or NYCgirl4Real that will make everyone want to vomit huge quantities of pineapples.
Also-- there is a huge cobweb stretching from the cookbooks on the top of the fridge, all the way down to the lamp on the other side of the room.
I realize no one has any idea, really, how large our kitchen is, but just take my word for it here because it is LARGE. That spiderweb is impressive.
Too bad for my mom that her spiders have all the ambition she was hoping her children would develop.
Too bad for this spider its death day is in about fifteen seconds.
I'm sitting at the computer and my dad's sitting facing directly away from me, the two of us back to back in total silence, and all of a sudden, still facing away, he asks:
"Do you have a small, inconsequential piece of paper within a reasonable distance of your current location which I might have and not be forced to return?"
And this is how he speaks.
For those of you who didn't catch it, this translates to,
"I need a post-it."