April 27th, 2003

Volvo

I'm Looking for an Apartment that Doesn't make me Shit my Pants...

Visited my friend's friend in Albany, up at RPI-- he had an interesting apartment. Although interesting isn't quite the right description. The words, 'Blair Witch Project' come to mind.

The only frightening part is getting in. You walk past a chain link fence, past leafless bushes the size of camels; each of them with these eerily thick, finger-like branches that always seem to be reaching in your direction, which is creepy in the same way those portraits with moving eyeballs are creepy.
And once you're past the bushes you can either walk up the extremely narrow, poorly lit alleyway that smells of sewage, OR...you can go in the welcoming front entrance, a room that looks like a storage facility for dead bodies; ascending the freezing cold, stone stairway in pitch blackness while the people behind you make guttural hooting noises and poke you in the spine.

And the apartment itself is fine. I expected to see human remains littered on a gray cinder block floor and I saw...nothing. I saw twenty-seven Saint Pauli Girl posters and an X-Box. I saw pictures of golden retrievers and cheap tapestries. I saw a guy eating dried pineapple from a bag. Really anti-climactic. The outside of this place make the Amityville Horror look like Anne of Green Gables but the apartment itself was your run of the mill, beer stained, porn laden, y-chromosome heavy living arrangement.