The Ugly Volvo (theuglyvolvo) wrote,
The Ugly Volvo
theuglyvolvo

Vag-i-doc

So I had an OB-GYN appointment last week and in the fine tradition of OB-GYN appointments being awful beyond belief...it was awful beyond belief.

One thing, which has always bothered me and which I don't particularly understand, is that the only magazines in the waiting room are those dealing with getting pregnant or raising children. And there are plenty of people who visit gynecologists who do not want to read Parents, or Parenting or Healthy Child, or any magazine with a picture of a two year-old in a hoodie next to the words, "The Country's 200 best Nursery Schools." There are plenty of us there who would be thrilled with absolutely anything else available, including, perhaps, a magazine called, This Place Sucks, Doesn't It?

Another thing I find somewhat creepy are the doctors themselves. My neighbor, with whom my family is close friends, works there as a nurse practitioner and it was through her, apparently, that my gynecologist found out everything I had been doing with my life over the past three years. "So you graduated from Emerson? Right? How'd you like that? Fun? I miss college. And your internship in LA-- that's so exciting! My sister-in-law lives in LA. I like San Francisco myself...we try to get over there every couple of years. The weather is ideal, but I never seem to stay for long enough...so how's your mom doing?"
So if you think those sorts of conversations are awkward and annoying with your relatives at family gatherings, try having one while the person to whom you are speaking is poking your ovaries with her hand and sticking various metal instruments in your vagina, going, "So have you been "seeing" anyone? Is he cute? Does he have any brothers or cousins or STD's?"

I had a different doctor this time, and this woman was...if it can be believed...even weirder than the first one. She looked very normal and well put together. I didn't notice anything unusual until she talked.

*Doctor walks in.*
*Raquel sits on table wearing what appears to be an enormous paper napkin*

Me - Good morning.
Gyno - Good morning to you, friend.

*Raquel pauses*

I'm sorry.
Friend? I'm sorry, comrade, but is this considered an acceptable title with which to address your patients? Could you possibly be any more thoroughly creepy?

Gyno - Are you doing all right up there, friend? This is going to be a little cold.
Me - Oh certainly, doctor. I'm double plus good up here but thank you so much for your concern over my well-being.
I can't help but think, however, that our "friendship" might be a bit more traditional if
a.) You would stop talking as though you're posessed, and
b.) I could get out of this stupid chair.
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  • I Have a New Blog Because Hey, It's Not 2003 Anymore

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